We know that love is supposed to be magical. You’re supposed to see your soulmate and be flooded with nothing, but positive emotions and you just know that they are the only person in the world for you. However, it doesn’t usually work out that way.
It’s impossible to define the number of things that influence your relationship with another person. Your financial health, your emotional maturity, your family life, your geographic location, your support network, your friend group, all of these things contribute to the conditions of your relationship.
Let’s take a look at some of the most influential factors in the health of relationships and maybe get a little closer to figuring out why love is such hard work.
If you haven’t heard it, you need a better support system. “How can you ever expect anyone to love you if you don’t love yourself?”
While this is sound advice, Narcissus is a good example of why loving thyself is only half the equation.
You have to know yourself. You have to know when the things you’re getting upset about are legitimate and know when you’re out of line. You have to know yourself well enough to know what situations you need to avoid.
However, knowing yourself is hard. It means you have to listen when you don’t want to. You have to keep yourself from saying the first thing that comes to your mind, no matter how right it seems, and force yourself to be open to concepts that would make you angry or emotional otherwise.
If you’re interested in gauging your ability to listen to others about what you need to work on, try cultivating a skill called active listening. Active listening is the ability to wait to form a response until the person you’re listening to has finished speaking. Try waiting to speak until the person you’re conversing with has completely stopped.
If you find that you start talking before the other person has finished, your ability to gauge your own emotional and personal qualities might be lacking, and it could be time to reevaluate your readiness for a relationship in the first place.
Everyone thinks that they would never let their career come between themselves and their true love. However, chances are the people who find themselves having to make that decision are in entirely different mental state than the one they were in when they walked down the aisle.
Sometimes that incredible promotion, the culmination of all of your hard work, will make you triple your current income, get you in a corner office, and put you in charge of dozens of people, but you have to move. You thought your spouse would be thrilled but, they never actually considered moving, and now that it’s real, they just can’t imagine being so far away from their family.
So much of your personal worth is tied to what you offer the world that when faced with the choice between relationship and career, it’s more like you’re choosing between the person you love, and the person you’re meant to be.
The issue of communication is so multifaceted among couples in the digital that we could write textbooks, novels, and movies about it.
When we talk about communication, we aren’t just referring to talking. We’re referring to the way we express our affection toward one another and the way we understand that other people are being affectionate toward us. It’s the reason the great Gary Chapman wrote the book The Five Love Languages.
While it’s easy for us to express love toward another person, it’s hard when the person we’re in love with doesn’t understand that love language. If you like to give little gifts and trinkets, and think hard about big gifts, but your significant other would rather you just listen to them talk about their long day, it hurts.
When all you need is for your partner to verbalize their thoughts for you, but all they want to do is touch all over you and kiss you and hold your hand in public, it can feel like an affront.
Most of the time we can’t accurately estimate how frequently we have to internalize that we were wrong, nor can we estimate how often we have to swallow the fact that you’re right.
The problem is, knowing it, and conveying that you know it to someone else, are two different things. If saying the words “I’m sorry, I was wrong,” to someone feels uncomfortable to you, you’re always going to think that love is impossible, or that it isn’t even real.
Being able to look someone in the eye and tell them that you acknowledge you’ve wronged or offended them, and being sincere that you will not do it in the future, is one of the most important aspects of any relationship.
Try it. Look in the mirror, pick a problem (real or imaginary), and apologize to your reflection as though it’s your significant other. If you find yourself unable to finish it without laughing, questioning yourself, or going off on a personal tangent under your breath, it might be time to evaluate your own role in your love life woes.
That’s not it either. People will hurt you, disappoint you, and make you question why the hell you ever agreed to be with them in the first place. If you can’t separate yourself from the hurt and discomfort of the temporary issue to acknowledge that you’re not perfect either, you’ll build and harbor resentment that only comes out when you’re hollering at each other.
Why is Love So Hard?
If there was a simple answer, the question wouldn’t have to be asked. If there was only one type of person, one type of love, one type of heart, one type of mind, this wouldn’t be an issue.
As it is, there are as many types, varieties, flavors, and tastes of love as there are people who can fall into it, and it’s as complex as the neurology of each individual person.
Why is love so hard, you ask. Because nothing in life that’s worth doing is easy.
Don’t give up. It can and will get easier, and when you find the right person it’ll feel like all of these struggles so worth it. If you’re ready to form a long-lasting, meaningful bond with your future soulmate, get a consultation from our love professionals today.